(no subject)

[theletter]

It was just another day at the residence of Kira, his girlfriend, and his arch nemesis in their new-found hometown, Death City. Or, at least as far as L was currently aware, it began just like any other day. Seeing as Watari wasn't about and neither Light nor Misa were open to playing Fetch Sweets For the Spoiled Manchild for longer than perhaps once in a blue moon, L was cursed with having to make trips to the refrigerator every time he wanted something to eat (or, consequentially, L taking as many sweets as he dare in one trip and litter whatever area he was occupying with a plethora of various sugar-filled substances so he didn't have to make a trip every time he wanted something different to snack on). As far as L was concerned, every food that contained even a little bit of sugar was his to do with as he liked, with perhaps the exception to this being apples. This was why, when L opened the fridge door this particular trip and found a particularly tasty-looking cake labeled For Light ~ xoxo Misa, he had no qualms ignoring the label and taking it out of the fridge with the intention of eating it. L had a sneaking suspicion Light wouldn't mind too terribly, as sweets were never his thing anyway.

It's not as though it was the first time Misa had made cake, either, though it was the first time she had labeled it especially for Light. Obviously, she had done something special to this cake. Maybe all the other cakes in the fridge were poisoned with something aimed at L and only this one was exempt, or maybe she'd made this cake with Light's specific tastes in mind. Perhaps she'd hidden a piece of Death Note inside that she'd somehow kept from their world, though it was unlikely. There wasn't any reason for her to go to such lengths to present it to Light if that was the case. Not to mention since Light wasn't much of a cake fan in the first place, there would be little reason to make a cake especially for him if all the others were somehow poisoned or on a lower level of quality in an attempt to get at L for invading their privacy. In fact, it would be more likely that this especially marked cake was poisoned. If L gave Misa the benefit of the doubt and figured she knew very well that Light didn't eat cake while L very much did and had this in mind while making this cake, it could be likely she intended for L to be the one to eat it all along and put the label there for good measure. Though there was always the possibility that she had prepared it especially and intended it for Light and whatever she had done to it could only be sustained or perhaps easily overlooked when in cake.

In any case, the way L intended to test this out was to present Light with said cake and have him try it before eating any of it himself. If the cake was in fact simply of a higher quality than what she usually made, it would be worth it to put it to the test. With this in mind, L took the time to - messily - cut the cake into slices. He took two plates out of the cupboard to set slices on, pocketed the label Misa had made, grabbed a couple of forks, and set out to find out where Light had gotten to. It shouldn't take him too long, not when their apartment was as small as it was.

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[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

Light was keeping to himself as per usual, even if the entire world was conspiring to change that, grateful at least that Misa had buoyantly declared that she was going shopping. Again. There was only so much Shibusen accounted for, and extravagant shopping sprees certainly wasn't one of them; but, if it meant getting Misa out of his hair for any length of time the money was more than worth it.

Hearing L's sockless feet slapping against the floor as the other ransacked the kitchen like a raccoon digging through garbage, Light tore his eyes away from his book to look up, scowling just as he always did when L was involved. With just this side of skepticism, too, as he saw the two plates of cake the other was carrying. He hadn't seen the cake while it was still in the fridge, usually because he was nauseated by what he saw every time he opened it.

"It's not an act of generosity on your part when the contents of the fridge weren't even yours to begin with, you know."

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

L didn't pause in his approach, ultimately aiming and landing on the perch nearest Light, which happened to be the spot next to him on the couch. It was close enough for L to easily be able to hand one of the plates over to Light or to set the pair of plates and the two forks on the coffee table if he wanted. For the moment, however, L simply chose to hold onto the cake and forks. He wanted to try his hand at convincing Light to partake of the meal Misa had prepared for one of them.

"You're right, of course, but I thought I would bring you a piece of cake anyway. It is your cake, after all, there's nothing wrong in indulging every once in a while. Think of me doing this for you as a token of friendship, or if you'd rather not, perhaps you could think of it this way: if you eat this piece of cake, that's one less piece I can eat. You'd be robbing me of the experience of eating that piece. And, on top of that, if Misa learns you ate the cake she made, she'll be more likely to be agreeable when it comes to other matters."

While L didn't think this approach had a high probability of succeeding - naturally, Light would be suspicious of L's motives - he figured it would be worth a shot. If it came down to it, L didn't consider himself above trying to force feed Light, though that would only be as a last resort. Enough of one that L would be just as likely to consider doing a simple taste test himself. Force feeding Light cake would be amusing, but it would likely result in Light denying L sugar until he was forced to do something to make up for it or atone.

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as L perched himself beside him, leaving him feeling awkward as he tried ever so discreetly to shift away. It was downright bizarre, having L constantly chase after him for friendship; he'd already had enough of that from Misa, though somehow it wasn't as unsettling as this. Obviously Light wasn't buying it, and yet the other endeavored to continue what was utterly a lost cause anyway. Perhaps the detective thought that if he badgered him enough he'd be able to slowly chip away at his resolve, that he could be so easily underestimated a thought that infused him with anger.

"You say all of that, but why would I believe that you'd willingly give up even a crumb of that cake? And why do you want me to eat the cake so badly that you're even trying to reason with me? I really wish you'd just give up already with this bullshit about wanting to be my friend," Light replied, clearly disgruntled, yet at some point during the exchange had put his book down, giving L his undivided attention.

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

"Even if that was exactly why? You should know I wouldn't give cake to anyone, not to mention this particular cake is of higher quality than what Misa usually makes." L extended the plate closest to Light toward him, as if Light had said 'yeah, sure, I'll take some cake' instead of what he actually said. Light had emptied his hands of the book he was reading, so really, it was as if he had in fact agreed to eating it in the first place. In actuality, getting Light to eat cake was more difficult than it should be. As much as L understood the natural variety and diversity in taste, he couldn't really understand why anyone would pass on cake, especially cake as delicious-looking as this was. "She would be happy to hear you ate her cake, especially since she went to all this trouble. Or would you rather wait until she gets home and have her feed it to you?"

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

If it was one thing Light knew, it was that L obviously wanted him to eat this cake very badly. If he hadn't known better he might have made a quip about L trying to poison him, but he knew the detective would never do that because that would be "stooping to Kira's level".

"You know I don't like sweets. If you really wanted to seem sincere you could have just picked something else," he sighed. On the other hand, he really didn't like the idea of Misa spoon feeding him, and so he ended up acceding in the end. He would eat it, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

"And next time, lay off the blackmail, too," he added, as he swallowed a forkful of diabetes incarnate. "There, are you happy now?"

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

Fortunately for L, there was always the possibility of pinning it on Misa if it was in fact poisoned. If not, he was fine leaving it ambiguous, though if Light really wanted to push it L wasn't too against having the truth come to light. As interesting as it would be for L to in fact poison Light himself, he'd like to have a larger purpose in mind for doing so. It wouldn't be so much as "stooping to Kira's level" as L would find a simpler way of going about getting similar results to whatever larger purpose he had in mind. As it was, L was certain Misa hadn't put anything with the intent to seriously harm in the cake, and putting it to the test of who the label had said it was for... L was interested in seeing the results. Which was why L's usually wide eyes were even more focused on Light than how they normally were, especially as he ate.

'If you really wanted to seem sincere you could have just picked something else' illustrated precisely why it was so important for Light to eat this cake. Of course, L's eagerness to see the results of this could counter-productively set off red flags in Light's mind. L didn't think along such lines, however, and his focus remained intent on Light's eating. So much so, in fact, that it wouldn't be surprising if Light misinterpreted L's eagerness for awe.

"Do you like it? How does it taste?"

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

"I'd like it a lot more if you weren't eyeballing me," he replied, thinking sarcastically to himself that the way L was acting it was like he'd baked it, because why wouldn't you bake a cake for your killer? In any case, he was more or less decided that whatever the hell L's problem was, he couldn't find it in himself to care by this point; all he was concerned with was eating this cake as quickly as possible so the other would get out of his face.

"You have your own piece of cake, I'm surprised you're not eating it already."

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

Well, that answer wasn't anything L could work with, though he supposed it meant that there wasn't anything overtly odd about how the cake tasted. (Yes, Light. L baked you a cake because he wants to help establish a friendship between the two of you. That's exactly what happened.) L backed off a little to let Light eat in relative peace, though he was still eying Light like a hawk, only from a slightly farther distance away. And for his part, he did consider his own cake briefly, running the tip of a finger across the top of the cake to pick up a small amount of icing. When poisoning or otherwise altering cake there were two distinct possibilities: that the poison was in the cake itself, baked within it in the oven, or that the poison was in the icing. In fact, it was more common within the icing, as whatever poison there was would have to be resilient enough to retain its poisonous qualities under high heat. Of course, there was also the possibility of something in the icing in combination with something in the cake set off a reaction, but that was much less of a possibility, especially with Misa as the cook.

L spoke first to the icing on his finger, "I'm not hungry." While it wasn't a lie in particular, as L rarely felt hungry with how much he liked to eat and how often, it was odd to be used as an excuse not to eat. At least, that is, when coming from L.

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

Putting his fork down, Light raised a finely arched eyebrow, the look he gave L nothing short of incredulous.

"'Not hungry'? When are you ever not hungry for cake? I don't think I could even count on one hand how many stomachs you seem to have for this crap." If he sounded a bit peeved, well, he was; L had practically shoved this cake down his throat, and now he wasn't going to eat any of it himself? He could almost feel his blood pressure rising, though what he didn't know was that it was in fact, for reasons entirely different than sounding like a nagging housewife.

"Listen, if I have to eat this cake then so do you. I shouldn't even have to make you eat it in the first place."

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

"Your reasoning is childish. Just because I convinced you to eat cake doesn't mean I have to as well. I will eat in a little while because right now, I don't feel like eating. It's quite simple, really." Though the small bit of icing on L's finger did get wiped away courtesy of L's tongue.

If there was any sort of poison in the icing, it would have to be reasonably potent and thus there would be a higher probability of L tasting it if eating the icing by itself than eating the cake, and L being a sort of cake connoisseur, trusted in his ability to detect any sort of odd flavor should there be one present (of course the presence of a tasteless poison would remain undetected nonetheless). In the small amount that he gathered with his finger, there's a very small probability that it would be enough to have much effect on him.

L couldn't forget about his test subject, of course. "Are you feeling all right? Are you feeling particularly different now than you were before? Assume I'm speaking in a purely physical sense. Your emotions are of little interest." Not to mention, entirely expected, as L's mere presence was cause enough to annoy Light.

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

The loud clang of his fork clattering against his plate could be heard as Light stared at L, completely blown out of the water because he knew exactly what that line of questioning meant.

"... What the hell did you put in this cake?" he started off slowly, dangerously, like he was trying to decide how exactly he was going to go about brutally murdering the other, that he was even extending the other the courtesy of having a chance to reply astounding in itself. But what he couldn't quite wrap his head around was why in a cake, when L knew Light didn't like the stuff. Face flushed, he could feel the heat wafting from his cheeks, and while maybe he might have attributed that to a fierce desire to stab L's face in with a calligraphy pen before, now he found himself reaching hypochondriac levels of paranoia.

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

"I didn't, but whether or not the cake has been given any sort of special ingredient or is simply a higher caliber of cake is exactly what I'm trying to figure out." To help further his point, L dug into his pocket with his free hand to pull out the small paper used to label the cake and show it to Light.

"Misa has never labeled any sort of cake she's made before, so this one aroused my suspicions. Normally I wouldn't bother, but considering how you hardly ever eat cake, not to mention dislike it in general, I have to wonder what Misa intended this cake for. Considering it's Misa and how she would never do anything to harm you and with it labeled for you specifically, there's always a very small possibility that you would be the one to eat it, I could simply just be making this into a bigger deal than it actually is, but at the same time, Misa has never liked me being here and knows that I'm the only one who actually eats her cakes, she could be teasing me with the label with the thought that I would eat the cake contrary to the label - no, more likely that I would eat it because of the label. My first thought, of course, was to test it out on the person it was addressed to. Considering the small possibility that you would be the one to eat it, I doubt she'd put anything too harmful in it, but I'm curious to see the results nonetheless. Your cooperation in this situation would be beneficial, as if it is just cake, I would very well like some."

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

"Oh, for-- It's Misa, she probably just labeled it because she thought I would have some sliver of a chance to actually eat it without you eating all of the cake in the fridge again. No matter how much she bakes, she can't get it through her thick skull that I won't eat it and just sees it as you being the greedy, selfish bastard that you are and getting to all of it first. Do you really think that she'd have hatched some diabolical plan to poison you knowing that?" he snapped irately, looking absolutely livid despite the fact that he should have been put to rest knowing L didn't poison it after all. It wasn't necessarily making him see red, but he was starting to noticeably look the part, face growing redder as beads of sweat began forming on his forehead. He felt lightheaded, too, though he accredited all of that only to the fact that currently he found himself at the center of a very angry hurricane.

"You keep going on about how you want to be my friend, and yet you decide to test a cake you think might be poisoned on me? No, I don't want to hear about how you didn't think it would too harmful if it were true, that isn't the sort of thing a friend does in the first place! How goddamn stupid can you get!?"

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

L allowed Light his little hissy fit. He waited patiently for Light to finish yelling, noticing how red the other looked and the sweat accumulating on Light's forehead. It could just be attributed to L repeatedly trampling on Light's nerves, but L wasn't so sure. "You're underestimating her. While not extremely intelligent - that is, on the level of you or me - Misa has successfully pulled off a number of schemes. I certainly wouldn't put it past her." L set down his own piece of cake on the nearest available surface, only to reach out a hand to press the back of it against Light's cheek, forehead, and opposite cheek. Despite just having been yelled at, L didn't seem all that concerned or bothered by it. "Calm down, Light. Your anger at the situation is not solving anything."

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

"And do you really think she would go ahead and do that without talking to me first? You think I'm underestimating her, and I think you're just pulling bizarre conspiracy theories out your ass!" he continued on with his tirade, only for his eyes to widen in glacial fear as the other felt his face with the back of his hand, a shiver traversing down his spine as an uncomfortable heat stirred in the pit of his stomach.

"Don't touch me!" he suddenly yelled in alarm, violently slapping the offending hand away, his breathing growing increasingly more erratic as he tried to scramble away from the other.

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

L sighed, his hand retreating at Light's continual freak out. "If I didn't have half a mind not to, I'd eat my piece of cake just so you can see how odd I would act under the cake's influence. I have no doubt your current emotional state is only making things worse." L paused, bringing a finger up to his lips. "But I suppose it would be a way to know for sure whether you're freaking over nothing or are actually under the effects of something."

L reached for his discarded plate, debating with himself whether or not to go through with ingesting the contents. At the very least, it would be an experience and L might be able to recognize what, if anything, Misa had put in the recipe when making it by identifying the symptoms he would experience. Not a very responsible thing to do, of course, but ever since dying back in his world and showing up in this one, L hadn't paid much attention to responsibility. Without Watari around, there wasn't anyone to stop him from being as reckless as he wanted, including things like moving into the apartment of the man who killed him on top of thousands of criminals and trying to befriend him. L had given up all semblance of responsibility and professionalism the moment he died.

Before he allowed himself to indulge, however, L looked back at Light in order to be brought back into the present moment. He wanted to know at least part of what he was going to get into, if anything, even if there was a decent probability that Light would bend the truth in order to make it sound like he had eaten nothing but normal cake. Even if this situation wasn't nearly as serious as it suddenly felt. Instead of asking how Light felt like L might do if the situation were serious - because it wasn't, not really; L knew so on an intellectual level and his will wanted to prove it to the rest of him - L forewent using a fork altogether and picked up the cake with his hand, gobbling it down in a perhaps not-so-surprisingly small number of bites.

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

Light could hear L, could see his mouth moving, but he wasn't quite taking it all in, his entire body feeling like a great big bundle of nerves that had just had a lit match thrown to it. He could feel the sweat roiling down his face now, stinging his eyes as he blinked through the torrential blur that was his vision at present; he felt feverish, and what was more, he felt his stomach stirring in waves, rising up to his throat until he felt like he couldn't even breathe.

But worse yet, was the realization of just what all of this meant, shock registering on his face as plain as day. He looked up at the other again, only for it to feel like a very heavy rock had just dropped into his stomach as he saw the other scarfing down the cake. Covering his mouth, Light quickly jumped to his feet, only to stagger in disorientation at getting up too quick.

"I... I have to go," he said lamely, unable to come up with anything more coherent than that at the moment as he turned to hastily make his escape.

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

Though he couldn't put his finger on it, L knew the cake had been tampered with. It wasn't a normal cake recipe, as he hadn't tasted anything quite like it before, and yet, he couldn't recognize what exactly was wrong with it, just that it was wrong. There was a subtle flavor alteration he hadn't quite tasted before. His musings about the subject were soon interrupted mid-chew, however, as L spotted Light stand up out of the corner of his eye.

Quickly liking a good portion of the remains of cake crumbs and icing from his fingers and setting the much emptier plate back down, L shot out the newly cleaned hand to grab Light's wrist as soon as the word 'go' left the younger man's lips.

"No, you don't. Unless you're going to vomit or are experiencing a similar symptom that requires an immediate trip to the bathroom, staying and describing to me what you're feeling would be a much better option. If I recall correctly, you were the one who thought this outcome was unlikely."

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

The moment L grappled onto Light's wrist he immediately recoiled by making an odd jerking movement with his arm, as though the contact had been scalding to the touch. It felt like he'd need the bloody jaws of life to get L to unlatch his wrist, a small sound of discomfort hitching in his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut, finding himself quite prepared to just about keel over from complete and utter embarrassment right then and there.

"Let me go," he replied in a meek, airy voice, pride the only thing stopping him from tacking on an added 'please' despite how desperate his current situation was, every second that L held on only making it that much worse.

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

L was not amused, and kept his hold on Light's wrist, speaking, "I refuse to do so until you're calm. You've done nothing but panic ever since you learned the cake might be laced with something unusual. It might help if you sit back down. Not to mention, you should know panicking will only make whatever we ingested work faster." L had no sympathy for Light's current situation, even if he was partially to blame for it. Of course, he wasn't entirely aware of what Light was going through, but the fact that Light wasn't making this any easier certainly didn't help warm L's cold heart any faster. For emphasis, L tugged lightly on Light's wrist in an attempt to encourage him to sit down (if Light refused to cooperate, he may find himself being tugged a little harsher).

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

He wanted to pound his fists on the floor and scream right now. Why couldn't the detective just leave him alone? Biting his bottom lip, upon being tugged Light stumbled backwards onto the couch again. Curling in on himself, L's words only served to fly right over his head, his panic increasing at the thought of it becoming evident. Even just the hand on his wrist sent waves of pleasure rolling through him, leaving him breathless as he panted for air. Maybe once L felt it for himself, knew just what he was going through, he'd finally let him go, as embarrassing as that prospect was. But that was just wishful thinking on his part, he knew.

"This is all your fault. Yours and Misa's. I never would have eaten that cake if it wasn't for you..." he said quietly.

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

"You didn't have to give in to my demands; in fact, you've been quite content to ignore my insisting that you should describe your symptoms to me." L did notice how warm Light's wrist felt, but he wasn't sure if he should write that off as a potential symptom or just assume that his own hands were naturally cooler. He also noticed something primal within him react to Light collapsing back onto the couch beside him, something that urged him to touch Light even more, to see exactly how the other man would react. It was part curiosity, a touch mischievous, and it roused a little excitement, even. While not terribly familiar with the urge to touch and explore another person's body, it in itself - no matter how quiet it was at the moment - helped L register exactly why Light had been panicking. That intellectual acknowledgment sent a shiver down L's throat and stomach, right into the area one would expect it to end. It was an area L hadn't spent all that much time with recently, an area he hadn't had need to spend all that much time with.

On the outside this epiphany appeared as L widely staring off past Light's face to the wall on the other side, one hand around Light's wrist and the other brought up to L's face to have a single finger hang in the air less than an inch away from his lips. He snapped out of it by shifting (not so much to change his position, but instead as a sign of slight discomfort) and looking back at Light, only to realize that woke an echo of the shiver he'd experienced before. The outward sign of this reaction was the finger hanging in front of L's lips suddenly dash toward those lips only to be chomped down on by the detective's teeth. The obvious conclusion was that Light wasn't satisfying Misa in their private life and Misa had opted to take matters into her own hands. According to this theory, the cake had in fact been intended for Light.

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

Light absolutely refused to look at L, yet even that was not enough to take his mind off of the other and take him to a place far, far removed from the current situation. Hyper aware still of the hand grasping his wrist, it was akin to an electric shock in the way it struck through him, pulsating, this horrible, horrible sensation. This wasn't his body, there was absolutely no way, he thought to himself. Not when he found himself surreptitiously eying the other out of the corner of his eye, only to realize what he was doing and snap back to attention.

"I'm sitting down now, so let go of my wrist," he replied in a harsh, low voice, his entire face concentrated into one big frown. If only he could run to the bathroom and splash his face with water, among other things; and yet, that wasn't an option. Even after mentally hitting himself over the head for it, he did still notice L's strange conduct, eyes widening in horror as he shifted his legs into a cross-legged position and swallowed hard.

"You can feel it, too, now, can't you?" Light said, his voice both sullen and breathy.

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

The finger wedged between L's teeth pulled back out. "I'm afraid you'd run away if I did." L responded in a voice just as low, but not near as harsh. This was certainly an interesting development, to say the least. L didn't quite know what to do with it. Of course, the most obvious solution would be for the two of them just to go at it like rabbits, but the thought of L and Kira having sex was absurd enough that L snorted out loud when it crossed his mind. Not to mention, he doubted Misa would be very happy to learn that the cake she had intended to ramp up the sex she and her boyfriend usually have was basically the cause of him going and sleeping with another man. Light was obviously uncomfortable with L just touching his wrist, and had always been one to shy away from physical contact. He probably didn't like sex all that much to begin with, which would be where Misa's incentive to get him more involved by feeding him aphrodisiac would come into play.

Light's question, however, brought a bit of heat to his face as L gazed at the younger man who's wrist he still held. It wasn't at all a stretch to say that Light was beautiful and aesthetically pleasing, as corrupt as he was on the inside. The thought of Kira didn't deter this thought, either, even though it had kept such wondering at bay for as long as L had worked on the case. L simply couldn't afford looking at people that way back when he was the greatest detective in the world, and he simply grew accustomed never to think such thoughts. Now, when L was no longer the professional entity and he was being influenced by a very pervasive aphrodisiac, it was as if his brain was letting him notice all the things that made Light pretty. And, well, there were a lot of things. In such a situation, the fact that Light was Kira only managed to make L even more excited about the prospect of Light.

Funny how L could dismiss something as ridiculous one moment and seriously considering it the next.

If the leering L was doing wasn't enough of an answer, he managed to get out a soft reply. Light might notice that the hand around his wrist grew slightly tighter, and the light tint to L's cheeks was slowly bringing color to his normally pale face. "Yes, I can feel it."

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

He didn't like the way L was looking at him right now, a thought that swirled around in his mind until it felt as though a torrential wave was crashing down on him, obliterating all reasoning as he simply sat rooted to the spot. Just as soon as he'd lifted his eyes and looked L in the face he dropped his gaze once more, his expression as torn as he felt. That L only increased his grip on his wrist made him even more flightier than before, breathing hard as he struggled to grapple onto some semblance of composure.

"Then you should know that you need to let me go," he said, his tone laced with panic even despite his best efforts to hide it. Not even giving L the chance to reply, he made to stand up and tug himself away from the other's grip.

[aforceofjustice.livejournal.com]

Though he knew Light had the right to refuse, knew that allowing Light to leave would be the smart thing to do, L found he didn't want Light to leave. Even if L didn't act on this new, crazy idea of his, he would be all right with that as long as Light was there and he was able to touch him, to continue to hold on to that wrist. Or, at least, that's what he thought he would be all right with. L had gone without sex his whole life, never felt the need to be with anyone else. Ignoring a few primal instincts wasn't that hard, was it? Though if he got right down to it, he didn't want to ignore them. Light had disregarded the rights of thousands of people, L had no qualms about doing so himself. The only thing that caused him to pause was the unknown of where this would put their relationship.

If they were going to engage in any sexual acts, L didn't want it to be like this. He didn't want to force himself onto Light. That torn expression on Light's face, however, made him think that perhaps somewhere Light wanted this just as much as he did. In fact, he knew Light did. They had taken the same aphrodisiac and thus were feeling the same effects. L was merely being more honest with himself than Light was. Instead, Light was scared of it, probably because of how much he wanted it. It wasn't so much that sex with L was terrifying, instead it was the prospect that he would enjoy it that was terrifying. If L could show him there was nothing to be afraid of, help him realize that what he was panicking over wasn't something to be afraid of, but something he should be looking forward to? L didn't have much - any - experience, but that was part of what made it exciting.

As Light stood up, L's grip remained tight but his arm limp as Light tugged on it. After a few moments of contemplation, L put his feet down on the floor and tugged in turn in order to pull himself into a standing position next to Light, loosening his grip after getting himself situated. "You're being ridiculous. Calm down. I'm not going to do anything to you." Of course, that was a lie, but when had L ever been known to be honest?

[xanatospileup.livejournal.com]

Unable to shake L off, he started feeling faint, unable to catch his breath as his heart beat wildly in his chest and his vision began to blur before his eyes. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say Light was near hyperventilating by this point, feeling very much cornered and trapped, much like a caged animal would as it continuously ran into walls in its sheer panic. He couldn't possibly believe L's words, not when his own mind and body were screaming at him to touch, a thought that shocked him to his very core.

"And what am I supposed to do, just sit here and wait it out!?" he snapped angrily, his emotions in entire disarray until he felt like he might just collapse the way a puppet would once its strings were cut. Even more embarrassing was the implication that he needed to run off to the bathroom to "take care of it". Either way, it was obvious he couldn't remain standing, not with the state he was in.

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L didn't respond to Light's question verbally. Frankly, he was tired of the continual panicking going on over the urge to be intimate with one another. They already knew each other's minds quite well. In fact, they knew each other's bodies a decent amount as well, what with the months of being tethered to each other twenty-four seven and occasional fist fights they got into. So, L decided to change his strategy. As odd as it was for L to admit this very thing, he knew being rational wasn't going to do any good, and thus his only option was to resort to something irrational. With this in mind, L's grip on Light's wrist tightened once again. L turned to start pulling Light in the direction of the bedroom. L's patience with trying to calm Light down had run out. If Light wanted to panic over something, it might as well be over something that was going to happen instead of the mere implication of it happening.

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He couldn't believe this was happening, wouldn't allow himself to believe this was happening, and yet he knew somewhere deep down that if he allowed L to drag him into the bedroom, there would be no turning back. With this in mind, he immediately began digging his feet into the carpet, desperately trying to extricate himself from the other's grasp as he cried out. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?" Feeling even worse for wear now as his body seemingly betrayed him, his movements were sluggish as he tried in vain to wrest control back.

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And naturally, Light continued to do exactly what he'd been doing: panic. At least this time L had actually given him something to panic about. And yet still, L wasn't amused. And even annoyed as L was, he was still tempted to just stop, stand, and appreciate Light. As annoying as Light's panicking was, it was also a little cute. Of course, when that thought crossed L's mind he had to wonder just how much he himself had been suppressing and perhaps how wise Light was to just panic and try to run away while he still could.

That wasn't enough to convince L to let Light go, though, mostly because that thought came from the head above his shoulders and the head in between his legs thought it was about damn time it got a turn.

So, L kept his grip on Light's wrist strong and marched right up to the bedroom door, opened it, and turned to grab Light's wrist with both of his hands in order to pull him inside. He did all this while saying, "You want this as much as I do, Light; you're just too deep in denial to admit it to yourself."

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The closer they got to the bedroom, the more his already fragile state of mind seemed to be spiraling out of control. Then, finally, L had swung the door open and before he had a chance to say anything wrapped both hands around his wrist and tugged. Too busy staring, flabbergasted, upon hearing the words that had come out of the other's mouth, he ended up losing his center of gravity, feet no longer firmly planted in place, and almost tripped on the carpet before finding himself stumbling right smack dab into L and clinging to him for support. When his brain did manage to catch up to the rest of the situation, his face turned all seven shades of red as he recoiled and let go of the other, as if burned by the touch, and attempted to backpedal his way the hell out of there.

"You-- You said you wouldn't do anything to me, you goddamn liar!" he quailed all the while.

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L grabbed Light's arms before he had the chance to escape, pulling the younger further inside the room while letting go with one hand in order to reach and shut the door behind them while keeping a strong grip on Light to make sure he wouldn't escape, speaking as he did so. "For something you want, you are being unbelievably childish about this, Light." In moving thus, L intended to place himself between Light and the closed door.

Even as he spoke, he had noticed Light hadn't denied it. As skilled a liar as Light was, L knew Light couldn't deny these feelings anymore than he could, not when they were so strong. In this situation, it was much easier for Light to point his finger at L than reflect upon himself.

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He was really in for it now, his means of escape cut off, unable to move as that hand held his arm in an uncharacteristically firm iron grip, probably a reflection of just how serious L truly was. For it to be a joke, this was already way too far.

"And what the hell makes you think you can decide that for me?" he grimaced, still trying to yank himself away, his heart pounding in his chest like a jack rabbit's with nowhere left to run. "Why are you even doing this, this isn't the only option here!"

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"Fine then! You tell me what we should do. Run away from each other because we're supposed to be enemies? Hide in separate rooms and wait for this to pass? Pretend that this didn't bring up feelings I've not felt in all the time I was alive?" L knew that some of this was more than the effects of whatever sort of aphrodisiac Misa had used, he knew it had to be. An aphrodisiac by itself wouldn't make him yearn, nor would it make him suddenly care, at least not like this. "You've done nothing but panic ever since I made it obvious the cake was laced with something. Panicking does not help us solve our dilemma and until you calm down and face what's currently terrifying you, your panic will only get worse."

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Light froze once he saw the anger and frustration in the other's eyes, heard it in the harsh words currently being thrown at him. Quieting, he lowered his eyes, simply staring at the ground so he wouldn't have to meet the other's eyes; if even this was so hard, he couldn't even begin to imagine actually having sex with the man before him.

"It's not because we're 'supposed' to be enemies, it's because we are," he replied in a low voice. Not only that, but there was another factor at play here that was equally appalling. "Also, we're both guys..."

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"Not are, Light. Were. We can't go back to that world no matter how much you may want to, and here there's only the memory of a time when we were enemies to sustain your belief that we remain so today." L drew closer to Light as he spoke. "The situation has changed. It can be said that as long as Kira exists, L will oppose him. However, there is no Kira here. You are Kira, yes, but what I'm referring to is your judgment, your power. None of that is here with you now. L the detective has been stripped of his title, reputation, and resources. Without those he is nothing more than a common detective, in fact, he is little more than a vital piece of a system that has fallen apart."

L had paused in his approach, but not to consider Light's mention of their both being guys. In fact, he seemed very sure it didn't bother him. "Do you have a problem with our both being male?" He was close to Light, probably much closer than Light was currently comfortable with as in the position he was in now, L could easily lift his head to steal a kiss from Light.

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A small sound of discomfort escaped his lips as L drew closer, attempting to lean back as far as he could despite L's hand tightly grasping his arm. He felt impossibly hot now, the sudden proximity threatening to unscrew a valve that would let all of his emotions burst forth. It was difficult to look away with L looming in so close, hounding him as he was, yet he could hear the clock ticking when he did, counting down as his restraint melted away in a pleasant wave of euphoria.

"And because of that reasoning suddenly it's fine for us to go ahead and have sex?" he gritted his teeth, trying to stare L down with all the willpower he had left; yet simply showing that he wasn't afraid would never be enough to have L back down. In a slightly shakier voice, he continued. "Yes, I do."

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L felt compelled to move further and close the distance, but he refrained in order to speak. Luckily, he had another idea that would leave his mouth unoccupied and free to communicate with coherent thoughts. "Yes. I would say this reasoning leaves us free to do whatever we want without having to worry about the repercussions on nearly the same level as we would have in our previous lives."

As L began to speak, his free hand approached Light's torso, seeking out where his shirt and the top of his pants met. L dipped his fingers into Light's pants with the intention to grab the shirt material that was tucked in and pull it out. If that process was left uninterrupted, it was likely Light would soon feel L's cold fingertips grace the skin of his stomach. All while L continued to talk.

"I suppose you ought to bring that issue up with whoever decided the both of us should be born male. Though I am curious as to why you would let this bother you. You're not considering Misa's feelings, are you?"

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Not that it hadn't already before, but with L suddenly trying to untuck his shirt and divest him of his clothing the gravity of the situation was truly starting to set in now, amongst other things. Another spike of pleasure flared up in his groin, his face heating up like a pressure cooker. Feeling very much like he had been burned by the touch, Light practically jumped out of his skin as he tried fruitlessly once more to yank himself away.

"It's not-- It's not about Misa, what the hell are you doing!" he cried indignantly, eyes wide in something akin to pleasure and horror all rolled up into one.

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"It's nothing to be afraid of, Light." L kept his grip on Light's arm firm and continued to caress Light's skin with his other hand as it spread and L's palm was moving along the skin up Light's ribs and to his chest. L shifted to stand at a better angle to maneuver since Light himself had slightly shifted in his little freak out. The hand inside Light's shirt traveled around his side, following the bones of the ribcage, only to turn and dive and continue its journey down Light's back, headed towards its destination: the space in between the fabric of Light's underwear and his ass. What L said next was little more than a murmur, but with Light at such close range there was little to no chance he wouldn't have heard it (unless he happened to be crying out in protest at the time), "Perhaps we should move to the bed."

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Light shivered, partly because of the hand currently exploring underneath his shirt and caressing his skin, but also due to the unsettling nature of the other's words. Despite himself, he found that he was suddenly suspended in place by a much greater force than his rationale, overriding his senses so that all he felt were those hands. Gaping, his eyelids lowered in something resembling a haze, the hands that had previously been trying to tear him away from the other now holding onto him shakily.

"It's the damn drugs... No, I don't-- Why the hell are you so goddamn eager..." he rambled, too distracted to think properly, even more so when the hand at his backside caused him to squirm once more and accidentally rut his hips forward, clamping down on a low moan.

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L inhaled sharply at the unexpected - but most definitely welcomed - encouragement in the form of Light's hips inciting oh so beautiful friction against his own. L's hands and fingers dug into Light's back, pulling the younger man flat against L's curved and angled body so his hips could press back in turn, over and over in a steady roll. Thoughts of moving to the bed vanished from his drugged mind for the moment when he allowed himself to be overwhelmed in the sensation, away from his mind and into his body. L didn't speak, for he knew if he let out sound he'd be opening himself up enough to let Light hear how much L was caught up in the act and enjoying it as well. So instead of answering Light with words, L's mouth decided to direct its attention to the side of the younger man's neck, sucking at the skin and massaging it with his tongue.

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The rational part of his brain told him he just wanted to scream right now, yet rather than the scream he wanted to let out all that came from his throat was a sharp exhalation, like he was choking on air itself just to keep himself from out and out moaning in pleasure. He was still too petrified to even move, an indiscernible expression painting his face now, as though he were trying to decide where he even was right now, head riding on nothing but pure unadulterated sensation now. Certainly not here, pressed flush against the one man he told himself he hated above all else and feeling his face light up from the suction on his neck. He wanted to pry the detective away from him, but instead of clawing at those arms for release he found himself grappling onto them and wanting more, just trying to hang on for the ride as the other's movements sent him reeling in waves.

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L's lips began to travel up Light's neck to his jaw and from Light's jaw to his cheek, and from Light's cheek to pause in front of his lips. L's eyes were half-lidded as they stared at the close face before them, his hips pausing a moment in their eager dance to appreciate the tension. It was amazing the appreciation L was able to feel for the man in front of him. Light hated L, and there were times when L didn't much like Light. The two of them were always at odds, two sides of the same coin, struggling with each other to be the one whose side came up on top. Sometimes it seemed Light could annoy L just as easily as L could annoy Light, but at that moment L felt none of that. L felt the erection straining against his jeans, and L felt Light's breath on his skin, but there was no hate, dislike, or even distrust in L, not when all he could focus on was wanting to touch and experience and taste the beautiful mass murderer in front of him. Briefly, L wondered what exactly Misa had put in that cake to get him feeling like this, but the wondering was cast aside when L's hands moved once more, trailing along bare skin only to end up at a button in the front of Light's shirt, one that was quickly unfastened.

L didn't talk, didn't want to talk, didn't want to think, only wanted to feel, as he continued to unfasten and open Light's buttoned shirt. Intellectually, L knew surrendering to his emotional state was dangerous, especially considering it was being tampered with, but L wasn't listening to his intellect at the moment. It was strange, but thrilling - freeing. It was scary, but L wasn't afraid. Light was just as lost in his emotions and sensations as L was, and he had done enough panicking for the both of them. This was something for the both of them to experience together.

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This was too much, Light's eyelids growing heavy under the weight of his arousal, blinking back beads of sweat as L's lips brushed against his skin, cheek burning where they had been just prior to hovering now in front of his own lips. Somehow, it felt like it would be all over if the other kissed him now, and anything that happened after that would be completely out of his control. That was fine by his body, and a good portion of his frazzled mind now, too, yet still he tried stubbornly to cling onto those last little remnants. He felt like he was being put on the spot—almost quite literally, with the way the other was feeling him up—blood rushing through his head where L's steady gaze should have drained it of blood entirely.

He knew that L didn't want to talk, focused solely on unbuttoning his shirt now, but he still wanted to, while he still could. Quickly, he snatched the other's hand away from his shirt just as it was undoing another button. "You'll still remember this even after the drugs wear off, you know," he said stiffly, trying only to no doubt fail in dissuading the other. It may as well have been set in stone by this point, but this wasn't something he wanted to take the responsibility of etching it into his own mind for.

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L allowed his hand and arm to hang limply as his hand was held by Light.

Light's words brought him back, addressed the consciousness L had left in such a state. And L did think, and consider, and realized he was tired of it. L had died, Watari had died, and his thinking had failed to save him from even that. If this was L rebelling against what he had been in a previous life, then so be it. It was a childish way to look at the situation, L knew, but L was tired and drugged and he didn't mind using such as an excuse. Maybe he could make Light scream, use this experience as another means to blackmail Light.

But, truthfully, that's not what he wanted from this experience. He wanted someone he could trust, someone he could fall asleep on without having to spend the energy to hate. With Watari gone, L was looking for that person in places he never would normally, reaching out to find respite in one of the criminals he had sworn to catch. L's sense of professionalism had crumbled the moment Watari left his side, and he felt empty without his work. He had no purpose here in Death City. The closest thing to his old life he had was Kira, was Light, and to Kira, to Light, he clung.

There was no doubt in L's mind about this. It was impossible for them to return to the way things were, L knew that, so why not shift the dynamic between them through their intentions instead of just circumstance's? L had the chance to turn away long before this, even before he ate his piece of cake.

L's lips moved to press against Light's softly, then firmly, to seal the deal with a kiss. And with the seal, those lips brought Light's answer, even before L parted in order to speak it out loud. "I know."

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Light went completely limp the moment L's lips touched his own, as though right then and there any sort of lingering resistance there might have been had been trampled underfoot by the contact. It was so soft at first that it almost didn't seem to even register, yet the gravity of it all came crashing down on him when those same lips pressed against his more insistently, demanding his attention. The hand that was holding L's squeezed reflexively, as though to hold on to him, to this moment; the way he was behaving was a complete and utter paradox, and even though he continued to blame the drugs for it something in him told him that maybe, just maybe this would be okay, that he wasn't in his right mind anyway. Even just that thought right there was a testament in itself.

It was so very hard, and yet also so very easy, to just let go, and he found himself struggling in a balancing act between the two. In his eyes there was a plethora of doubt and self-loathing at the fact that it had even gotten this far, and yet he didn't let go of that hand, bangs obscuring his eyes as he lowered his chin against his chest, the aphrodisiac spreading like a lethal poison that would only get worse and worse if he chose not to succumb to it. Where had all of that strength of conviction gone to, Light wondered, alongside the realization that he really couldn't take it anymore.

"We should move to the bed then," he said in a low, ambiguous voice, making to move toward there.